I’ve been living in India for the past year and a half. As part of my lifestyle, I’ve been on dates with quite a few women — honestly, I’ve lost count at this point. But what I haven’t lost count of is the number of women who, either during or even before our first date, told me they were dating to get married.
This is a phenomenon that exists only in India and I find equal parts puzzling, sad, and — if I’m being brutally honest — a little off-putting.
Let me be clear: I’m not anti-marriage. Nor am I here just for casual flings. But something about the way this expectation is communicated, and how early it enters the conversation, throws me off. I’ll try to explain why.
1. The Signal It Sends
There’s nothing inherently wrong with wanting to get married. But bringing it up within the first one or two interactions — sometimes even before meeting — sends a signal of desperation and neediness. When someone tells me up front that they’re looking for marriage, I feel cornered, like I’m being asked to make a long-term decision about a person I haven’t even gotten to know yet. It guilts me into thinking I should back off if I’m not “serious,” but how could I possibly be serious about someone I’ve just met?
2. Love vs. Arrangement
I think of relationships as having two components: love, and arrangement. The “arrangement” is the partnership contract — the practical, logistical, long-term compatibility part. The love is the emotional, magnetic connection.
In India, these two often get bundled together under the idea of either a “love marriage” or an “arranged marriage.” But we know all too well — love doesn’t guarantee longevity, and arrangements don’t guarantee emotional connection. You can fall out of love in a love marriage, and you can fall into love in an arranged one.
There is nothing wrong with wanting marriage and honestly it is very practical. Infact I am always amazed as to how can people be so practical, pragmatic, logical and thinking from the brain when it comes to matters of the heart.
Personally, I approach relationships heart-first. I want to discover something magical in the moment. Something which is not tainted by the past or weighed down by the future. When someone brings up marriage right away, it feels transactional — like they’re already thinking about what they can get from the relationship, rather than who I am. It feels like they want something beyond me, through me, rather than wanting me for who I am in that moment.
3. The Power Dynamics in Dating
This part might be a bit controversial — but hear me out.
There’s a school of thought that says: “Women are the gatekeepers to sex, and men are the gatekeepers to commitment.” In that dynamic, a woman stating upfront that she wants marriage is kind of like a man saying upfront that all he wants is sex.
Both are skipping the process. Both are focusing on the end goal rather than the connection that should lead there.
Yes, men must earn emotional trust and commitment from women, but women, too, must earn long-term commitment from men. That’s not about playing games — it’s about letting a bond develop organically. When someone leads with a marriage expectation, it can come across as controlling — as if they want to define the destination before the journey has even begun.
Closing Thoughts
These are just my reflections — shaped by my own experiences, preferences, and worldview. If this offends you, I’d encourage you to pause before reacting. Travel more. Date more. Step outside the bubble of what you’ve always known. You might come back with new perspectives.
And if this does resonate with you, drop a comment below. I’d love to hear your thoughts — especially from those who’ve lived across cultures and dated across contexts. Let’s turn this into a meaningful conversation.